I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
only if we run a train.
done.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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