i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
