either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize