and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
