After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
