how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
