i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
