Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
