and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
