please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
