Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize