i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
