He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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