Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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