rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
our cab driver is having phone sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
please don't ironically join a cult
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