That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
