sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
