but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
