Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
