can we get nightvision for the apartment?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
