Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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