I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
