There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
