Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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