Pappa wants mamma naked
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
