we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
