my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
