I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
