Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
