I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
