I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
