we're chasing vodka with high fives
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
