i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize