Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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