Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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