Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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