Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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