so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Still dying that you shit outside
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
