dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They took my balls.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. Itβs bad. But Iβll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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