i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
True college students do jello shots in the library
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