I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
