I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize