cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
