I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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