she looked like the before picture.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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