Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
