I wannas sexs uuuuu
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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