are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
