Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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