Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
