wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
