But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
too bad you live with your parents still
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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