I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize