What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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