I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize