i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
4 words: hood of his car
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
