I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pants are for mortals
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
