Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
