I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize