apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
