I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
