the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
