Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
