How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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