Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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