You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
