I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
